The hardest kind of resistance,
is when you’re resisting yourself.
When your heart want something,
and your brain prevents it.
When you want to cry,
but you smile instead
to protect your pride.
When you feel like blowing up,
but prefer to explode in your deepest depths,
so no one around you can feel it.
R.M Drake | @wordsnquotes
When one door closes another opens.
My desires in a relationship have changed over time. I no longer want someone who promises to always love me and never leave me, I need someone who understands that life happens and sometimes things don’t work out. I don’t want someone who sugar coats things and never gets angry with me, I need someone to tell me how it really is and put me in my place. I need to be able to go five hours without talking to you and not feel lost or incomplete. I am complete without you. But with you, I want to be so much better. I want to be stronger with you. I want us to grow together and help each other grow individually. I don’t need you, but I really fucking want you. And this may not work out, but the fact that you understand all of this and this how our relationship works, makes me think we’ve got a pretty good shot.
I don’t trust anybody. Not anybody. And the more that I care about someone, the more sure I am they’re going to get tired of me and take off.
Heartbreak is an odd experience. At 7am you wish you could snooze your alarm and hide from the sunlight. At 10 you feel unstoppable and like maybe today is the day the heartbreak will ease. At 1pm you’re crying at your desk silently, hoping no one will notice and at 2 you’re running to the bathroom because you feel nauseous. At 3 you feel like you can manage. At 5 you’re exhausted from your heart leading you on this emotional roller coaster and your brain unsuccessfully trying to take back control. Come 8 o’clock and you’re squeezing your pillow, howling out to the moon wishing you could feel anything, anything but this.
I believe in moments. The fresh, rush, crush, of love. Taking a road trip across the country. Dancing under the stars. Crying in the rain. Being lonely until it hurts. Moments.
I don’t believe in happily ever after, though I wish I did, and I don’t believe in love at first sight. But moments are real, and moments happen, so long as you are looking for them. Maybe I’m just a passionate, delusional person, but that summer my friend and I set off to have the moment of a lifetime.