For the longest time I hated you – ever since …

For the longest time I hated you – ever since I could remember…
In my teenage years society told me you weren’t good enough and I believed them. You were too fat, too wobbly and your stretch marks from the rapid growth were like a road map that led to self-loathing. Nothing about you was ever good enough and I despised you for it.
I never once stopped hating you, even into adulthood. Throughout the years I tortured you – I punished you, I starved you, I made you work insane hours on nothing more than caffeine and chewing gum and still you were inadequate… And then came the day you’d finally had enough; when the doctor said the test results weren’t good… that there was something wrong with you that could not be fixed.
And the saddest part is that I hated you again in that moment.
I felt like you’d betrayed me… like you’d let me down… like you only had one job to do and that was to be healthy and normal and you couldn’t even do that right…
Not once did it occur to me that the weakness was mine; that the fault lay with me and not you. Society told me you weren’t good enough – but it was my weakness for believing them. I pushed you beyond your limits and complained when you couldn’t achieve them and all the while, you remained loyal and true. Day in day out, you were keeping me going… keeping me healthy while I completely ignored you as you screamed for me to stop. You valiantly held out for me as long as you could and I see that now.
I’m sorry I was never good to you. I never loved you or accepted you… I focused only on your cosmetic shortcomings whilst completely disregarding your health and well-being.  I never took care of your needs… I never nourished you or paid enough attention to you to know when there was something wrong.
You didn’t fail me… I failed you and now it is my turn to be strong for you, like you were for me all those years.  Because we are not enemies you and I… we are two sides of the same coin and we’re in this life together. I will do better by you… I will be strong of mind when my body is weak… I will take care of us from now on.